A letter to my teenage self

Dear Estelle,

Hi, it is me – you. I know it’s weird that I am sending it your way, and you might not be able to understand everything – since, you know, you are French and just starting to learn a proper English. But here I go. A quick disclaimer though: please, don’t change anything you are at this right moment, don’t change anything you are doing. I am not here to influence your actions, only to support them. Because I am who I am today thanks to you, the place I am in, it is thanks to you, what I am doing was, too, started by you. So please, keep pursuing your dreams and your goals whatever you are going to read, because the outcome it simply beautiful.

Wow, Estelle, it won’t be easy. You just started high school, so I think you already know people aren’t big fan of you and your body. You already know that friends aren’t always here forever, that they too can hurt you. You already know that the only place where you can be yourself is in your room, at home. Talking of your room, please tidy it a bit, because mom isn’t kidding when she says she will but everything on trash bags and throw it out the window – but once again, this is your call.
But yes, high school. I am not going to lie: that is going to be hard. The first year, mainly, because you don’t know yourself. And you are going to rush in order to understand the person you are better, and this is going to loose you. Yup, you are about to get lost, in your feelings, your life and your whole identity. I would love to tell you the big reveal is going to happen all at once, you are going to understand everything you are and find yourself and become a New Age inspirational icon or whatever. But it won’t. The truth is, I am twenty-one years old and still discovering mind blowing things about myself, and I will discover things all life long.

But in the middle of this absolute mess, you are going to meet three wonderful people, and they are going to be your found family. Yup, just like the bookish trope. Those three people aren’t going to try changing you, but hanging out with them will make something shift inside of yourself. You are going to open yourself to the world and the community where you belong. I won’t tell you anything about it or about who you are, because discovering it slowly is one of the things that are going to save yourself. And I won’t steal anything from you since you gave so much to me.

One thing you are going to realize is that what you think your life is going to look like when you are a teenager isn’t how it is going to turn out. I won’t tell you anything about your dream job or your dream studies or whatever, because I am scared you are going to think you will fail. You won’t, but dreams do change and that’s what is going to happen to you. And that’s going to be amazing, because when your dreams will change it means that your vision will change as well, on life, on your goals, and at last, on love.

Please Estelle, please. Enjoy every second like it is the last, not because any of the things you are doing aren’t going to last – I don’t want to freak you out or anything. But life is funnier if you remember it isn’t eternal. Hang in there girl, you are going to get through it, you are going to survive everything – I mean, proof: I am here – and you are going to be so strong and so amazing and so incredible. And damn, I do love you, so much.

Have a nice and beautiful present,

Your nice and beautiful future,
Estelle.

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