Hello there my dear biscuits,
I have never written such an article before, but I somehow felt the need to do it. Not for you to know about my very messy – and slightly boring – life, but because I need somewhere to write it down. I am not good at talking, but I do love to use words to express myself, and you’re reading right now something that will maybe help me figure myself out a little better.
My two-months hiatus
If you’ve been following me for a few years on Instagram (thanks for that, your support means the world to me), you might have noticed I’m always MIA during the summer. And if you’ve been following me for even longer (damn, you still here? Amazing, thank you), you might even know why. I am a student with little money and use my free time to earn some. My summers are therefore always very busy with work. So busy I don’t have time to read, or write and eventually, I don’t want to anymore.
If I have to explain what happens in my brain during those two months, there’s one way to do it: nothing. It’s like my whole self goes into automatic mode and I don’t even think anymore. Turning into a boring and moody robot I hate to be. I isolate myself – please don’t do that, try to reach out for people if you feel lonely – to eventually realize I’ve been stupid to do so. And then happens the worse part: when going back to talking to people and being open to the world, I feel guilty for not doing it sooner. And as you might know, guilt is a sneaky and annoying feeling that can sometimes leads you to think bad stuff about yourself.
To be honest, I’ve learn a lot about myself the past few years, but that doesn’t stop me from having bad flaws – like everyone. I know them and work on them. But summers ? It shows the worse side of myself: the girl that stays alone, doesn’t reach for help, doesn’t listen to herself and her needs and her feelings. And that’s the reason I prefer not to be active on social medias during summer: my whole goal is to be as positive as possible, and even if I want to be transparent and honest about myself with you all, sometimes it’s better I’m not.
There is one thing you have to know about this summer and how different it was for me. I was lucky enough to meet someone incredible, someone who might not know how precious his presence was to me, and still is. Because somehow he unfroze my brain and myself and allowed me to realize how un-okay I have been for two months. And once you know you’re not well, you can try to get better. I did. And now? I’ve never been better, truly.
September and stuff
Going back to school under COVID rules sucks, as every single student might know right now. It’s stressful and a lot of work and also… Lots of false hopes, I guess. I’m studying screenwriting and film making and… Well, shootings are being cancelled, we can’t film in public places anymore, gatherings are prohibited. But we still hold on to our courage and passion and we hope for better news for the semester to come. I hope everything is going well for you. Change isn’t always bad, and if you feel like things are getting out of control for you, know that you can do it. You can. You’ve got this.
The whole COVID situation is frustating as hell, isn’t it? I think it is for me because – like every human being, I guess – I love my freedom. And I love it so much I started to take it for granted. I couldn’t see how lucky I was anymore, because being free was normal. I’m glad it’s not this normal anymore, because it reminds me of my luck and how precious moments of freedom are. Wow, I got all philosophical here, sorry. All of this to say: don’t be too sad about the restrictions, because you can always try to get the best out of it. Please, stay safe.
I do not know if I’ll keep on doing those life updates, what do you guys think ?